Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
