No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
