guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The best revenge is premature balding
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
