Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
