You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
