Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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