we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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