you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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