do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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