I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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