R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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