The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
