Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
