I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
