I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
