btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
