just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
