ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so explain again why im purple
no
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
