If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
