Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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