the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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