What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
