its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
