That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
