Your tits are I can't wait for
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
