I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
