He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
smell my finger.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
