our cab driver is having phone sex.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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