I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
