I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
