Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
