It's like God shit irony all over that family
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
