This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
