chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
