U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
