1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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