Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
