Soap is not a condiment
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
