the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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