so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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