i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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