who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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