Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
