fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
