I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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