she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
