Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
