just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
