I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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