I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
